I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
