is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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