I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
