A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
