you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
