Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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