Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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