Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I could fuck to npr.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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