you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
