I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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