I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
