Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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