just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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