You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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