I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
