I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize