I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
