so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
