If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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