birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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