Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
