I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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