i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
