the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize