I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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