you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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