so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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