I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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