yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
