apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
