whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
