It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
