I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
