How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
