Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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