Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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