I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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