i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
