The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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