just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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