watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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