fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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