i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
