i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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