So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
