I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
