In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
