I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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