She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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