the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
