god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
