dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
