Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
