about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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