my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize