He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
