My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
