The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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