My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
3pm strippers are depressing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
