She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
