Christians are straight up FREAKS
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
