I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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