Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
