i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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