Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
