So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
