we have officially lost it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
