i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
