Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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