I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
