Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
