The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize